If he works for you, give him a raise. If he doesn't, hire him. :-)
Just to be clear, I don't work for SparxSystems. Hiring me would be a tad difficult too since I literally live on the other side of the globe

I'm a freelance consultant, so if you're interested in hiring me, just drop me an email 8-)
For the comparing part, I still think you are best of with the xmi compare option.
I don't know if anyone mentioned it, but you can also export the whole model to xmi, and compare those. It will give you a longer list of differences, but I think anything is better then searching elements by GUID one by one.
If still want to search by GUID, you can use the EA SQL search, that will be a lot easier then going trough MS-Access first, and then trough EA.
If you really need this I could help you with writing the SQL search definition.
On the topic of moving to a "real" database, at my current client we work with an SQL server database and the "locking" feature. (we also use VC, but only for a "common" model that is shared between different projects).
To give you an idea, we are working with about 20 analysts on a model containing about 50000 elements, so if it works for us I'm pretty sure it'll work for your situation.
The advantage of this "locking" mechanism ist that you can lock on element level as opposed to package level using VC. So you'll have a lot less conflicts that way.
It is possible to move an eap file to a DBMS database, see "Tools/Data Management/Project Transfer"
All the best in trying to clean up the mess, i feel for you :-/
Geert